Mewtwo's Odd Christmas
by The Vicious One
Summary: Well, it's that time of the year again, and Mewtwo's getting ready. But what happens when the most unlikely of people come to Mewtwo's doorstep? PG-13 for Mild Language and Suggestive Material. Merry Christmas and R&R!


Mewtwo's Odd Chirstmas  
  
Disclaimer: WHY?!? WHY DON'T I OWN IT?!? WHY DON'T I OWN POKéMON?!? Oh, yeah...I'm not supposed to own it, or I'll be taken away by those guys in the white suits... O.O Plus, I don't own Kuromew, she owns...herself...or something. Oh, and I don't own any christmas carols...or Sonic the Hedgehog...  
  
Weeeeeell, it all started one day in the wonderful...well, pretty bad city of Cerulean City, we find Mewtwo gearing up for Christmas.  
  
Mewtwo: (Finishing his...very old lawn bush) There! With the decorations and lights...my tree is complete!  
Mew: Uh, gee...it's nice...  
Mewtwo: You think so, Mew?  
Mew: Well sure, Two honey! (Kisses Mewtwo on the cheek)  
Mewtwo: But we don't have a misletoe!  
Mew: (Dangles one over Mewtwo's head) Yoo hoo...  
  
And just when Mew and Mewtwo's day was about to REALLY get in gear...  
  
Lugia: (Breaks into Unknown Dungeon) HELLOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!  
Mew and Mewtwo: (I need some Bayer...)  
Lugia: Christmas is here! I'm so ready!  
Mew: o__O Ooooooook?  
Mewtwo: Well, still...you got the food?  
Lugia: Three dead pidgeys, some cherry pie, and a whole lotta coffee and eggnog from Starbocks!  
Mew: My cherry pie's better, Mewtwo!  
Mewtwo: I like both of them!  
Mew: Hey, I don't have two cherry pie reci-(Mewtwo starts rubbing her 'very special' area) Oooooooh, Mewtwoooooooo...  
Lugia: O__O Uhhhh, public scene here!  
Mew: You're being a really naughty boy, Mewtwo!  
Mewtwo: Damn right, Mew!  
Lugia: Well, after that *disturbing* scene, I was gonna give you guys this.  
  
Lugia hands them a big Christmas gift labeled 'To Mewtwo and Mew From Lugia'.  
  
Mewtwo: Neato! Can we open it?  
Lugia: Well, it wouldn't be a surprise tommorow, would it?  
Mew: Is it an adult toy? (Giggles seductively to Mewtwo)  
Lugia: NO!  
Mewtwo: Is it a world-take over device?  
Lugia: No, and let's hope not!  
Mew and Mewtwo: Awwwwww!  
Lugia: Well, I gotta go...my boss needs me to work tonight and I don't wanna be late!  
Mew: You have to work late cause Celebi's your new shift manager at McDonny's!  
Lugia: o__o;; Must you ALWAYS be mean to me about that!? (Leaves in a pouty mood)  
Mewtwo: O__o Being gay must be a real awkward state...  
Mew: You hoo, he's bi now...  
Mewtwo: Well, you don't see me getting all huffy about it, do you?  
  
Over at the local McDonny's...  
  
Celebi: Where is he?! He was supposed to be minutes ago!  
Lugia: (Busting in) I'M HERE!!!  
Celebi: You wasted 4 minutes out of my busy schedule! Oh, wait...you had to be here at 7:35...it's only 7:34...  
Lugia: ^__^ I'm NEVER late!  
Celebi: Oh, wait...now, it IS 7:35...  
Lugia: D'OHHHHH!!!  
  
A Johto Bus comes in.  
  
Lugia: D'OHHHHHHHHHH!!!  
Celebi: Um, Lugia...  
Lugia: What is it, Celebi?  
Celebi: Well, I'll tell the boss that I suddenly caught a cough and accidently passed it to you, then we can go to Whirl Islands and start Christmas early, me being a hermaph... ~__^  
Lugia: Do it now!  
Residents from Johto: O__O;;  
Lugia: What?!  
  
Back in the office...  
  
Celebi: Yeah, Francis...I'm sorry, but I...I...Ha'choo! I caught the cold and I need to go home...  
Francis: (On phone) OHHHH, YOOOOOU!!! (Sigh) Ooooookay! I'll be there to take your place! But, don't expect a Christmas bonus this year, you little stinker!  
Celebi: Ok, Mr. Fruitses-er, Francis! (Hangs up)  
  
Celebi walks to the front of the restaurant, and winks at Lugia. Lugia and Celebi immediately leave.  
  
Taylor: I guess he's done...  
Raikou: (Behind the counter) Eh, they're gay...what can I get you?  
Taylor: How about a dollar meal?  
Raikou: Hey, we charge zenny, not american currency! Repeat, ZENNY! Z-E-DOUBLE N-Y! ZEN-NY!  
Taylor: O__O  
Raikou: WELL?!?  
Taylor: Can I get a McSnowwie?  
Raikou: I don't know, CAN YOU?!  
Person from Johto: Man, these Kanto locations have the worst employees!  
  
Back at Unknown Dungeon...  
  
Mewtwo: (Looks at his watch) 8:47?! It's not even close!  
Mew: What's up with you, Two? Christmas is still HOURS away!  
Mewtwo: But, it's boring on Christmas Eve!  
Mew: I know what we can do! ~__^  
Mewtwo: Of course! How can I be so stupid!  
  
And just when Mew and Mewtwo's Christmas Eve was about to REALLY get in gear again...  
  
Unknown Voice: MEWTWO HONEY!!!  
Mewtwo: O.O Oh no! I know that voice!  
Another Unknown Voice: SONNY BOY!!!  
Mew: Who are they?!  
Mewtwo: M-my...PARENTS!!!  
Mewtwo's Mom: MERRY CHRISTMAS, HONEY BUNCHES!!!  
Mewtwo's Dad: Merry Christmas, partner!  
Mewtwo: -__-;;  
Mew: You never told me you had parents!  
Mewtwo: Well, it beats all the rumors about us online!  
Mew: Yeah, me being your mom would be wrong!  
Mewtwo: (Shudders at the thought)  
Mew: -__- Amnesia... (uses Amnesia on Mewtwo)  
Mewtwo: (Now laughs at the thought)  
Mew: ^__^  
  
At the dinner table, which was strangely just set up...  
  
Mew: Anyway, tell me...where have you two been?! I'd never imagine Two with parents!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Well, we've been busy with a road trip across Johto and Orange Islands...  
Mewtwo: Heh heh, yeah...Orange Islands... (Looks around nervously)  
Mewtwo's Mom: Well, what's the matter, precious?  
Mewtwo: Uhhh..I kinda...blew up...Orange Islands...  
  
Mewtwo's parents stare at Mewtwo...and start laughing.  
  
Mewtwo's Dad: THAT WAS YOU?!? MAN, SON! I DIDN'T YOU HAD IT IN YOU!  
Mewtwo's Mom: You always make us proud, Mewtwo! ^__^  
Mewtwo: O__o Uh, well, thank you...  
Mew: And I'm always proud of my Two! (Kisses Mewtwo on the cheek again!)  
Mewtwo's Dad: Heh heh, hey Mewtwo...you got the broad good in bed yet?  
Mewtwo's Mom: MILTON!  
Mewtwo's Dad: Well, the boy needs lovin'!  
Mewtwo: Dad, Dad! Listen...it's alright. Mew and I are in love and THAT'S it!  
Mewtwo's Mom: That's tellin' 'em, Two honey!  
Mewtwo: So...what are you guys doin' this Christmas?  
Mewtwo's Mom: Well, we came to see you! Plus, we brought gifts!  
Mew: Really?  
Mewtwo's Dad: Of course...future daughter-in-law...  
Mew: What??  
Mewtwo's Mom: (Covers her man's mouth) Oh, Nothing! Anyways, here you go, Mewtwo. (Hands Mewtwo a couple of gifts...then about 10 more!)  
Mewtwo: O__O  
Mew: (Looks awkwardly at Mewtwo)  
Mewtwo: My folks won the lottery a few years back.  
Mewtwo's Dad: And we're proud of it!  
  
Suicune, Raikou, and Eneti suddenly come in.  
  
Suicune, Raikou, Eneti: HELL-OOOOOOOOO, MISTER TWO!  
Mew, Mewtwo and His Parents: (All together) Hello, Dogs...  
Suicune: Hey, guys, you havin' Christmas yet?  
Mewtwo: -__- Christmas is TOMMOROW!  
Eneti: Actually, it's in 2 and half hours!  
Mewtwo: Holy cow! Time flew by fast!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Well, I'm feelin' tired...we better get on the road, hon!  
Mewtwo's Dad: Uh, honey...I don't think you're gon' like this...  
Mewtwo: What does that mean?  
Mewtwo's Dad: Our car...is buried in the snow...A BLIZZARD JUST BLEW THROUGH!!!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Oh no, what'll we do!?  
Mew: Gee, tough break...but, don't worry! Mewtwo'll will let his parents stay with him for Christmas!  
Mewtwo: O.O Mew, I didn't say THAT!  
Mew: (Hitting Mewtwo in the arm) Mewtwo, they're YOUR parents! Show some dignity!  
Mewtwo: . Oh, all right, if I must!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Thanks, Two honey! You're the greatest!  
Mewtwo: No lovey dovey tonight, Mew...  
Mewtwo's Mom: Oh, we don't care! Go ahead play around all you want. You're grown pokémon...  
Mewtwo: (Face grows pale white)  
Mewtwo's Dad: Way too humilate our boy, Jane!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Well, excuse ME, Mr. I-can-raise-a-child-on-minimum-wage-if-I-like!  
Mewtwo's Dad: Boy, one day, I oughta...  
Mewtwo's Mom: Eh, shut up, you ratbag!  
Mewtwo's Dad: That's why I married you...you make my day go by so greatly!  
Mewtwo's Mom: -__-  
  
As the night progressed...  
  
Mewtwo: (Holding his pillow of his head as loud bangs are heard outside Mewtwo and Mew's room) Those two...  
Mew: We make the same noise and you don't complain when WE do it!  
Mewtwo: Well, that's different!  
  
Eventually, the night passed, and then the next morning...  
  
Mewtwo: (With Mew sleeping on top of him) (Yawns)  
Mew: Hee hee, my man is sleeping...he's so kawaii...  
Mewtwo: (Immediately waking up, Mew jumps off of him) (Yawns loudly) Whoo! Good morning, Mew!  
Mew: Merry Christmas to you, Two!  
  
Mewtwo and Mew go out to Main Chamber of Unknown Dungeon and find Mewtwo's Parents' cot is messed up, and no one's in sight.  
  
Mewtwo: Where are they?  
Mewtwo's Parents: MEEEEEERRY CHRISTMAS!!!  
Mewtwo: YAAAAH!!! (Turns around quickly to see them standing by his Christmas bush)  
Mewtwo's Mom: Bet'cha'd never look over here!  
Mewtwo: Ok, I missed that one.  
  
(Mewtwo grabs a gift and opens it)  
  
Mewtwo: Oh...hello...  
Mew: What is it, Two?  
Mewtwo: (Pulls out a scandalously revealing thong!) T-thank you...M-mew...  
Mew: Hee hee, you got a sexy body, so I got you a sexy gift! ~__^  
Mewtwo: Ok, your turn, Mew.  
Mew: (Rips open her gift) OH, WOW! YOU DIDN'T! (Reveals a brand new hydro-plant) (Kisses Mewtwo on the mouth REALLY long!)  
Mewtwo's Mom: That gift was from me...  
Mewtwo's Dad: As long as she's happy.  
  
Lugia suddenly comes in.  
  
Mewtwo: Hey, we're sharing a personal family moment here! A LITTLE PRIVACY?!  
Lugia: Hey, man! Lighten up, it's Christmas...AND I GOT PAID LAST NIGHT! AND GUESS WHAT CELEBI GOT ME?!  
Mewtwo: -__- What was it, breast implants?  
Lugia: NOOOOOOOOO...A NINTENDO GAMECUBE!!!  
Mew: You lucky son of a...  
Lugia: I know! And he got me Super Smash Brothers Melee, Super Monkey Ball, Sonic, uh, what was that name again?  
Mewtwo: Hell if I know...  
  
Sonic and Shadow come in strangely...  
  
Sonic: Geez, you think people learn by now!  
Shadow: IT'S SONIC ADVENTURE 2: BATTLE!!!  
Sonic: -__-  
Mewtwo: Pardon me, but...CAN WE HAVE OUR PRIVACY NOW?!  
Mewtwo's Mom: Now, Two...it's Christmas, and we gotta show people some respect today! Besides, they look like nice neighbors!  
Mewtwo: Uh, yeah, 'neighbors'.  
  
Outside Unknown Dungeon...  
  
Vicious: (Wearing a coat, standing outside a Pizza Hut) Man, it's 9:53 and they aren't even open yet!  
Kuromew: (Oddly walking by) It's Christmas, they AIN'T open!  
Vicious: Where you goin'?  
Kuromew: Mewtwo's.  
Vicious: Can I come?  
Kuromew: Eh, it's your fic.  
  
Vicious and Kuromew enter Unknown Dungeon.  
  
Mewtwo: Why does everyone think they can visit us today?!  
Kuromew: It's Christmas...  
Vicious: And because it's my fic!  
Mewtwo's Parents: A FIC?!  
Sonic and Shadow: A fic???  
Mew: Vicious? Kuromew? How'd they get here?!  
Mewtwo: Well it's his agile-  
Vicious: Agile Transitions. It's my fanfictional delicacy!  
Mew: Don't we have a gift from Lugia, Mewtwo?  
  
Mewtwo opens it immediately.  
  
Mewtwo: O.O Oh, dear God...  
Mew: Holy...Moley...  
Sonic: Yowza...  
Shadow: Man...  
Vicious: Kuro?  
Kuromew: That's weird...  
Mewtwo: It's a bottle of Jack Daniels!  
Mew: Well, I know one thing we must do...  
Everyone: MERRY CHRISTMAS TO EVERYONE!  
  
Mewtwo pops the cork, and it goes flying...RIGHT THROUGH TRACY'S SKULL!  
  
Kuromew: Yay!  
Vicious: Cool!  
Mewtwo's Dad: So...let's eat, get drunk, and play Smash Brothers!  
Everyone: YAAAAAAY!!!  
Sonic and Shadow: Hell yes!  
  
A big party ensures all through Christmas Day!  
  
At the end of the day, after the party died down, and everyone left, including Mewtwo's parents, Mewtwo and Mew are cleaning up the mess.  
  
Mewtwo: You know, I could easily say this could be the best Christmas ever!  
Mew: Yeah, I wonder if your parents'll be back in town on the Fourth of July...  
Mewtwo: Oh, I don't know, Mew...  
  
Outside Unknown Dungeon, he's got signs like "GO AWAY!" or "EVICITED" all over Unknown Dungeon.  
  
Vicious: I don't wanna ask.  
Kuromew: Probably that whole world domination plot again...wanna get some coffee?  
Vicious: Ok.  
  
And so the day ends, and everything returns to normal, except that Tracy's still laying dead outside of Unknown Dungeon and no one cares...  
  
Vicious: Does anyone notice that Tracy's dead?  
Kuromew: Forget it...  
  
They go to the local Starbocks.  
  
END!!!  
  
Mental Note: I hope you enjoyed the holiday fic! And so, from Vicious Mewtwo myself, I wish everyone at fanfiction.net, my fans, my friends, and everyone a very Merry Christmas and a Vicious New Year! W00T!!! ^.^  
  
(Sing with me!!!)  
  
(Mewtwo, Lugia, Mew, and everyone else sings with Vicious)  
  
We wish you a merry christmas!  
We wish you a merry christmas!  
We wish you a merry christmas!  
Vicious: AND A VICIOUS NEW YEAR!!! See you all next year! ^__^  
  
(Vicious kills Tracy again)  
  
Vicious: MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!  
  
The REAL End! 


End file.
